As our nation seeks to get its thoughts and emotions around this horrific event, here are some things to consider...

• Anger, sadness, fear and confusion are natural and appropriate responses to trauma. These feelings may linger, and typically come in "waves" of emotion that crest and subside. You will work through your feelings much more effectively and quickly if you do so in the context of a safe and loving community. Feel your emotions, don't push them away - but try to do so with others at your side.

• If you're trying to pinpoint a "reason" these things happen, stop. There is not one reason, there are many. Some shooters lose touch with reality, others abuse substances, some have long histories of physical abuse or psychiatric disorders ... there just isn't one definitive cause.  However, it does appear there are two glaring flags to look for in advance. First, these people are chronically disconnected. They spend much of their time in isolation. Secondly, they usually have a long-standing sense of powerlessness. They have always felt controlled by others. If you know someone (usually a male) who fits this profile ... reach out for help. Your action may save lives.

Walking your Kids through Trauma

• Kids react differently to trauma. Some may begin to act out in aggressive ways, others tend to withdraw. It's important to re-engage them in their normal life and activities as soon as possible, with you standing by their side. Accompanying them while they get "back to normal" provides an assurance that they are not alone in what they are feeling and facing.

• From a brain science and developmental perspective, touch has tremendous impact on kids - that's why inappropriate touch is so harmful. Conversely, tender and loving touch is a great gateway to healing. This is the time for lots of hugs and hand-holding.

• When you speak with them about the tragedy and what they're feeling, let them drive the discussion. Don't answer questions they are not asking. Rather than focusing on any details of an event, it's better to focus on what the child is feeling. If they can't put it into words, perhaps they can draw you a picture. Ultimately kids want to know two things - am I going to be OK and why did this happen? Assure them they are going to be OK and be truthful concerning the why question. Sometimes we don't know why bad things happen to good people, but we do know that most of the time people use God's gift of free will to do good things.

• Over time children tend to be quite resilient, especially if they experience a loving, assuring presence from the adults in their life. While time doesn't necessarily heal a wound, it does give us some distance from the trauma and changes our perspective. Please remember there is no set timetable for recovery from trauma. Shaming words like "you should be over that by now" only slow the process. Children and adults alike need time to process their feelings and emotions and no one can do that for you - but it helps to have people to do it with you. Isolation is bad - connection, connection, connection is the headline.